Exalted Discordians: Six Psychopaths and a Psychoship
Cosmicly and Comically Broken Sherlock Homesish Detective
Blix Hegger was a sophomore journalism student at University of Nevada, Las Vegas (on academic probation) around Earth A.D. 2015. Through an astronomically absurd coincidence he happened to go on a blind date with an interdimensional spy who happened to look (at a quantum-genetic-level) precisely like Blix. One thing led to another and Blix was beamed aboard the Ultraphase Mindship named “Yrgz.” At this point, Blix’s journey truly began.
The facts are sparse, but what is known is the following: Blix witnessed the big bang (twice), inadvertently caused a triple supernova, and danced with “the girl who invented the idea of bipedalism.” While attending a Projected-Spiritual-Shadow convention, Blix delivered such a moving speech (entirely plagiarized from TLC’s hit song “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg") that he highhandedly saved the color red from being omitted from existence. However, at the convention’s end he unluckily pulled the short straw during an Assurance Trial and had to enter suspended animation for 15xPi Multiverse Cycles (i.e., ~557 trillion years) making him the single longest living organic entity.
On one particular bleak outing, Blix shook hands with the Plegronfian Minister of Sarbrinain System 705 while at what Blix thought was a “space coffee shop.” This social faux pas turned into an overnight sensation that jumpstarted the osmosian revolution that not only dissolved the ~15 million solar year empire, but generated 16.75 × 10^16 new species of silicon based life forms as well as 3.12 baby universes, each expanding into a reverse timespace conical hyperconsciousness. All this, naturally, resulted in what came to be known as “the biggest, most awkward ‘walk of shame home’ for an entire quadrant of the multiverse.”
On a more positive side, the contributions credited to Blix for the orthogonal-dark matter fueled propulsion after-life reactor were so novel that the first model was named after him. The irony being that the results of his bold statement of “maybe we need to turn it off and then turn it back on gain” in modern earth west-coast American-English dialect were completely unintentional. The results being the words he spoke were the precise molecular-vibration “incantation” that opened the protodimensional floodgate which infused the reactor with virgin-quark gyrowaves causing the first multi-phased transversional crossing of the inter-universal membrane.
Witnessing and participating all these extraordinary events was a bit too much for a simple human mind to comprehend. Blix was in a partial state of neurosis. He was in complete awe from comprehending the vastness of the multiverse, with all its infinitude of dimensions and possibility. However, he plummeted into a permanent state of delusion when he came across a simple philosophy textbook in which he read about Rene Descartes famous “cogito ergo sum” which effectively said the only thing known to exist is one’s own mind. Combining his concept of a limitless multiverse with the concept of there being only one mind broke Blix’s mental stability. His only mechanism for reconciling the two seemingly opposite theories was for Blix to invent an infinite multi-personality disorder. He lost his name of Blix Hegger and became “The Fingler.”
The Fingler is convinced that there is a Nemesis who is always a step ahead of The Fingler. His Nemesis is always leaving The Fingler helpful clues but also thwarting The Fingler via proxies and authority figures.